It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
