Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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