Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
