I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
