god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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