yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
