Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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