I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
