Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I stole a fireplace last night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
