Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
