I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
