Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
