I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize