After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
