It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
