we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
