If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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