you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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