did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
