did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
