we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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