just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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