is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
