my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
