Jerry, you need to find god
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
