What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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