so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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