So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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