I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
