but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
