Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
