Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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