We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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