Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
