I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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