The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The air taste purple.
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