the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
