her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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