So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
