tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
