oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
