Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
