how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
