I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
