I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
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