maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
