Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
