now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
