considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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