So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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