just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
