At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
