When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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