Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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