He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
